Channel: Whitney Avalon

Category: Comedy

Tags: songjurassic parkraptorellie sattlermaltby and shirebroadwaymusicalcomedy musicscientistian malcolmparodymashupjeff goldblumofficialcoverjurassic worldmusicwhitney avalonfunnylaura dern

Description: ✨ Secret stuff here: whitneyavalon.com/secrets ▶ Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/37rtPUzYwaojhNJmfFkITW ▶ Apple Music: music.apple.com/ca/album/the-bear-the-tiger-jurassic-park-style-single/1503930936 #LauraDern has been an icon since the first #JurassicPark movie – and if it had been a #musical, here’s what her character might have sung. No one expected this combo of a 1989 off-Broadway show and a 1993 film! ** CREDITS ** Producer, Director, New Lyrics, Dr. Ellie Sattler: Whitney Avalon instagram.com/whitneyavalon, twitter.com/whitneyavalon, imdb.me/whitneyavalon Dr. Ian Malcolm: Luke Persiani instagram.com/lukepersiani John Hammond: Andy Roberts Orchestrator*, Music Producer: Cristián R. Villagra Cinematographer: Merlin Showalter Art Director: Kim Brunner Hair, Make-Up Artist: Kayle Williams Key Grip: Billy Brenner Executive Assistant: Caroline Sharp Recording Engineer: Dirty Hollywood Assistant Editor: Kate West Music Mix, Master: Ed Boyer Colorist: Ryan K McNeal Associate Producer: We Make Movies Inc *Based on the original by Maltby & Shire Get your name in the next video too by joining the club at patreon.com/whitneyavalon I hope if you enjoy the comedy combination (known character + unexpected musical twist) of my Princess Rap Battle videos, you’ll also enjoy it in a parody like this one! Press/licensing/business: contactwhitneyavalon@gmail.com ** LYRICS ** It ought to be me really going Why? Well, I’m a… and you’re, um, a… All right, that’s it That’s the one that does it I’ve had it with that song and dance A man must ‘this’ and a woman must ‘that’ And humanity won’t stand a chance I’m sorry to shout But I’m up to here With the bias, condescension, and smirks For I – thank “God” – am a scientist And I know how life really works It, uh, finds a way Like a soul possessed I have studied and assessed The history of this earth From mastodon to eel What my studies most reveal Is the male’s inflated worth For in most of the animal kingdom The ladies only seldom need men Their dealings are straight they meet them to mate And never see them again The bear, the tiger, the rhino, and the mole Have females who live fruitful lives outside of male control It’s cute how you think I’ll sit and take a passive role Instead I’m like the tiger, bear, and rhino In a field or brook Almost anywhere you look Are females on their own In the deep, on high They will promptly wave goodbye And protect the nest alone Now I cannot speak for the mantis Who decapitates her mate during sex But I do like the auk who mates with a squawk And then throws rocks at her ‘ex’ The bitch, the vixen, the queen bee, and the shrew What men have done to those fine words we never can undo They’re strong fearless heroes – like how I’m now saving you Let’s redefine the shrew, the bitch and vixen And be like the seagull Roam free as the lynx And cruise like the caribous if we choose Not have to endure all those sly little winks From a cynic who envies the sex life of minks And not have to guess if he’s one of the finks Or whether he drinks Or whether he stinks Or what he thinks Of me We will find my man I’m the only one who can So let go of your doubt My brilliant lad He’d be a stellar dad But we’ll see how things work out I swear I envy the oyster Who lives a happy life on the shelf When she wants a term she releases some sperm And fertilizes herself The hare, the condor, the guppy and the bream They’re all out there doing what humans only dream So don’t undervalue my importance to this team Your sexism’s masked as weird concern We’ll talk about this when I return Take heed of the tiger and the fern And raptor And bear And me! ** THANKS FOR WATCHING! :) ** If you made it all the way to here, comment “Clever girl!” below.